AND IT RAINED TODAY!!!!!

I was sitting at my computer table and suddenly there was a gust of wind....it felt sooo good... after the heat all these days...... the cool wind was jus it!!!! the sky had darkened and everything seemed so pleasant.... n i knew it... it's going to rain today.....it definitely will and it did!!!! i never realised wen it started raining....i was still at my computer when i looked out and saw the rain drops against the street lights..... i jumped out of joy and ran to my verandah...... hoping tht the drizzle turns into a proper downpour.......
drizzle did turn into proper rain but it still wasnt heavy enough to get wet..... but i cudnt resist it.... n pittering patterin i went down the staircase into the open n aaaaaahhhhhhh..... it felt as if i was .... as if i was gettin wet !!! wat else!!!!!hehe.........i felt so refreshed.... so light..... though it wasnt the gettin wet kinds rain.... it sure felt awesum to stand under sky n let the rain drench me....... i just surrendered myself......i opened my arms and let the rain take me.... i looked up at the sky .... i cud see the night sky but i cud feel the drops of rain on my face.... i closed my eyes..one drop..two drops.. three drops... 4 drops...... thousands of drops......closed my eyes n jus felt the raindrops kiss me....it felt as if i had been kissed by GOD!!! about 5 mins into this bliss the rain slowed down....oh!!! crap.... it rains after days and tht too not properly!!!!! i waited down there.. hoping it wud pour heavily.... i hugged myself n stood in the drizzle feeling soooooooooodamn good!!!!
it was only for 5 mins.. but thy were fuckingly amazin 5 mins....

while i was standing all drenched n waiting for the rain to speeden up....i was reminded of this "place by the window" in my friend's room..... oh!! shit.... it's like d perfect place to be in wen it's raining.....sittin there with the wind blowing... the rain pourin.. a book in hand and coffee by the side!!!! woaaaaaaaaaah!!!! nuthin bttr i wud say!!!! i can say tht cos i did once sit there n there was an awesum wind blowin tht time......peeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrfect!!!

i have spent so many downpours sittin on d small sofa by the window in my living room with a book n a mug of coffee or by simply jus watching the rain......enjoyin the smell of the wet earth..... tht's like the sweetest smell......wen it's jus abt to rain.....or wen it has started rainin somewhere nearby.... there's this whiff in the air... the wet earth.....
there is something in the air jus before it is about to rain....... the clouds cover the sky.....the wind blows.....n there is somethign in the air tht time wich i cannot describe......it has such a calming effect on everything........everything seems so serene... so beautiful....it takes everything away.....wat is left is jus me n the rain.......

it is such a mesmerising sight to watch the raindrops create ripples in the pond....lake...river....one drop of water shaking thousands of water drops......one water drop losing itself.....uniting with the greater one......

all i want to do is let myself go........ keep walking n walking ....and then sit out there somewhere in the open by a stream n lose myself.......................................................................................

A YEAR THAT HAS BEEN..............

It is impossible to sum up what the last year has been like.... n yet i try.... i bother to try because i wanted to see what it feels like to have a look at the past year on d whole.....

2006-2007 i.e my year as a UG-1 student in JADAVPUR UNIVERSITY(COMP.LIT)

is 'a year tht has been':

a mindblowing experience..... got settled in there as if i was always a part of JU...everything seemed new but it didnt take much time to feel at home... n wen i say home i mean home.....the place...the teachers..the people.....the jheels...the canteens... THE LEDGE...the adda... the BBC.. everything was new but it felt as if this place is meant for me.. or i was always meant for this place!!!!!

full of interest n love for my subject.....COMPARATIVE LITERATURE.....i had taken up d subject cos i thot it was a bit different.. but its not a bit different its very different....... if i want i cud call the MOON the SUN... all i needed was to justify myself..... it let's me be me....

characterised by changes... a change is always welcum... but a change soooooooooo big.... so sudden.... so drastic....being the person i m i took the change in my stride n it didnt bother me much...... most of d cahnges have been good... but still i wud do anything to go back to school....

a year of separation..... separation from school.... from friends...... from school uniforms...from the excitement of bunking n breakin rules....from punishments suitable to be given to a nursery kid..... separation from a life where i did not need to worry abt the outside world.... a separation from the portals of CARMEL....

a year tht strenghtened by belief tht physical separation does not affect mental closeness much..... i havent experienced school life since a year...but still wen i talk of school i feel i was there yesterday.... wen i meet up wid school frnds it feels as if i am talkin to thm durin lunch break!!! i cannot go to my everyday assemblies now...but i still stay "amen"..... i may not be in a safety of the portals of CARMEL anymore.... but i carry wid me the treasure chest of values tht it gave me...i may not get to celebrate Christmas wid all tht excitement n fanfare.... but i still sing my carols... i still believe in SANTA!!!!


a year tht brought out the part of me which wud never have come out in school....people mite call it a change in me.. but i knw it is not.... i am the same old me..


most importantly the year of the relationship i consider the strongest...most beautiful n wonderful of all... FRIENDSHIP...... wat kind of of friends wud i have... will thy be like my school frnds or will thy be different... will i be in touch wid my school.... n now i think... why did i even ask such questions......i m still in damn good touch wid my school frnds.....we may not meet for a long time ... but i knw wat thy r upto n thy knw wat i am upto.....
n now for my crazy wacked bunch of friends in JU......now i can say i have experinced wat unity in diversity is........differents schools..differents thoughts... differents talents... different qualities n yet together(i cant say different cultures.... cos i n a couple others only fall in d 'different culture' group).
from the first day of first year to last day of first year i have been making frnds...... not all have stayed on.. i wish thy had... n still somewhere in my heart wish thy come back.......n if i start writing abt the ones who stayed on and ones who joined in....i will not stop(do i stop once i start????)...... oh my!!!! how i love the GUYS n yes obviously the girls tooo.... hehe.... how i love these FRIENDS of MINE!!!

and this reminds me tht this year has been a year of lot of other things but i think i better not talk abt thm otherwise i wud have have SHIV SENA ...RSS n THE INDIAN JUDICIARY running after me......WAISE SAMAJHDAR KO ISHARA KAFI HAIN...heheeheee.....

however vaguely vaguest decription this mite be... but this wat the last year has been for me..... juniors ask me which college shud i go to... ask me are admission forms being given in JU... wat is the cut -off.......n i realise....a year has indeed passed by..... from being a pampered first year.... i m goin to be a swinging second year...... all my friends are very excited abt the first years comin in but i m not.... i want to be a first year forever........

JUST A WISH

After a lot of time n work i changed by blog template and the name of my blog template "just one wish" got me wondering..... though it is a different thing tht everything gets me wondering.....

How many times in my life i must have said tht phrase "just one wish" ... this one wish is never ending....one wish is fulfilled and thousand others make its way into the wishlist......so many of our wishes have been fulfilled n yet wen we wish for sumtihng we go about sayin"i hope this one wish of mine is fulfilled.... jus this once!!!" n thy generally do get fulfilled............ GOD must be really generous to keep granting our innumerable wishes....i had learnt in economics tht human wants are unlimited .... sure they are, be they material or spiritual or mental......

1. i wish i could go shopping for clothes n shoes

2. i wish i could go to bar-b-q today

3. i wish i could get admission in JU

4. i wish i could leave studies and go wandering arnd d globe

5. i wish i could touch the stars and bathe in the moonlight

6. i wish all of us r always together

7. i wish college never ends

8. i wish i was surrounded by chocolates.. ice cream... coffeee... ahhh... food

9. i wish i could sleep as much as i want to

10. i wish i could dance all my life

such is our wishlist ... mite seem vain if we think too deeply abt it.... but who cares... wishes r wishes... life is sooo incomplete widout thm..different ppl we mite be but our wishes arent tht different...they underline the basic wishes of the human mind............. these were jus normal common wishes but there r greater wishes thn these... ones which really need to be fulfilled.. ones wich are beyond our playful mind... ones wich may not be d same for all of us...

wishes uncountable innumerable logical illogical normal absurd small big real fantasy serious funny.......................wishes just wishes............

i in no way believe tht we shudnt wish so much n blah blah..... on the contrary i believe in wishing as much as we can... but without the expectation tht it will be fulfilled..... cos wen thy r not fulfilled we feel disappointed.. wishing isnt bad.. expecting is.......

so.... wish a wish a thousands wishes but wish not tht thy be fulfilled...........

WHATEVER!!!!

Finally after a long time I have managed to overcome my laze and get down to blogging and it sure feels nice to be back among WORDS.... ahhh... sounds like sum batsmen who has made a 50 after a very long time........"it feels good to be back among runs"... n needless to say i m heading towards cricket or more so the CRICKET WORLD CUP 2007......the event wich promised to be d best of all the world cups ever held started of well but as fate wud have it this world cup turned out to be the most mysterious,unpredictable world cup ever(atleast out of the ones i have seen)..... n i m not goin in to the details....India n Pakistan's exit n all tht.. everyone talks abt tht!!! but yes... cricket did lose an awesum man manager like BOB WOOLMER!!!kudos to him!!!! the 'laptop coach'.

everybody went arnd sayin Australia shud not win n all tht because it wud become borin... a team winning world cup 3 times in a row!!!! but i was KANGAROOS all the way!!!! thy are d best rite now.... thy play amazingly well .. individually n as a team!!!! though i wudnt have knwn whom to support if we had SOUTH AFRICA - AUSTRALIA final..... S.A maybe.... cos thy r one helluva team...... n thy have to be.... thy didnt take d numero uno position from Australia jus like tht!!!! watever it may have been... the KANGAROOS have hopped away wid d WORLD CUP to the KOOKABURRA land alrite!!! n also wid the 'MAN OF THE MATCH' n 'MAN OF THE SERIES' trophies!!!!!! the best speedster i have ever seen couldn't have ended his career on d better note!!!!! farewell... McGRATH it was treat watching you!!!!!

farewell brings me to SIR GREG CHAPPELL.. whom the BCCI jus refuses to bid farewell...... i mean everybody knws BCCI is d richest cricket board .. thy dont need to show it by keeping one of the best cricket players in history!!!! leave cricket history to the commentators !!!!! i guess thy more abt cricket n can paly bttr thn almost all the so called board members!!!! (tht's obvious the board members are not cricketers.. we all knw wat thy are!!)

history brings me to the marriage wich has been called the most prolific marriage in the history of Bollywood!!!! all i have to say is tht i think AB Jr. shud have got his eyes checked!!! now coming to the fans n journalists who flocked arnd Jalsa n Pratiksha like cattle n thn expected AB to act like a cattle rearer!!!! wats wid all d complains n debates tht The Bachchans shud have given proper treatment to the crowd n tht thy threw food at thm as if thy were animals!!! did the Bachchans ask u to go n stand outside their houses..... he said he wanted a private party... i knw it wasnt 'private' private but still.......... the journalists knw thy wudn't be let in... but still thy stood outside showing us d clips if cars comin n goin in... n the cattle!!! fcuk!!!! the marriage........ there are other important things tht matter to d world!!!!!

I AM UNDER LAZE ATTACK AGAIN!!!!

SLEEP SWEET SLEEP

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN!!!!

How nice it feels to just get into the bed, pull a cover over oneself and snuggle into the world of sleep!!! the world of dreams n sometimes nightmares too!!!!! who the hell would feel like wakin up??? not me!!!! i cud be lost in tht world forever but this bad world does not allow us to do so. Why doesnt this world have pity on us n let us slip into sleep atleast for a longer time if not forever... actually it's good tht we dont sleep forever... cos otherwise whu will have d food!!!!
After a tiring day the word tht sounds like bliss is 'SLEEP'..(after food obviously). When d exams get over d first thing tht strikes me is tht now i dont have to be awake at night(not tht i used be awake durin exams till late.. one 'o' clock is more thn enuff and thn 'SLEEP' calls me n i readily go. Another thing is after exams SLEEP kind of sleeps herself n so however much i want to i dont feel tht sleepy... irony!!! sheer irony!!!

Drifting into dreams, drifting into a world where anything is possible.A world where we find a purpose to our life. A world which hides us frm the reality for a few hours.A world which shows us our inner most thoughts.But sometimes this world can be real scary especially if we find ourselves suddnely in frnt of all monsters.

SLEEP is one of the nice things GOD has given us. THNK U GOD!!!
But i hate it wen i m in deep slumber n it's d time to wake up!!! nothing more irritating thn an unfulfilled sleep and thn d whole day is spent feelin sleepy.arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Sleep in winter is one of the forms of bliss!!!snuggling n cuddling into d warm blanket... ahhhhhhhh........n waiting up in winters is a torture.... not one single part of me wants to leave d warmth of d blanket!!!the times wen i am absolutely lost in sleep n suddenly i wake up.. it takes atlast a few seconds to register wat exactly happened n where i am!!!!! n it is horrible wen in d middle of the night my sleep is broken n i cant sleep anymore or wen i keepin wakin up every half hour one hour durin night!!!!! n sleepless night is d worst case scenario!!!!

Another reason why sleep is bliss is tht wenever i think a class is borin.. i jus put my head down n go off to sleep... n wen d teacher asks i say " i am not feelin well" and in class 11 &12 the teachers never asked so we cud jolly well go off to sleep!!!
God only knws wat i've written so far cos my frnd SLEEP is callin me n my attention is divided...all d crap wriiten is to be credited to 'SLEEP' n not me!!! i don blv in takin other ppl credits!!!!!

And how can i forget the golden words the mention of wich makes us wanna sleep:

GOOD NIGHT

ANISHCHIT

Anishchita se ghiri,
Ajeeb khayalo mein doobi,
Aparichit bhavanayen mehus karti,
Anjaan se aakash ko dekhti hain.
Najaane kyun ek khidki se ,
Dekhti rehti hain us aakash ko,
Khadi kyun nahi rehti woh,
Khule aasman ke tale.
Kya yeh ghabrahat hain,
Ya kya yeh dar hain,
Ghabrahat naye mahaul se,
Dar naye logo se.
Yeh ghabrahat hain apni bhavanao se,
Yeh dar apne khayalo se.
Anishchita hain apne aap se.
Kab niklegi vapas suraj ki dhoop mein,
Kab bheegegi vapas baarish mein.
Kab hogi door yeh Anishchita.

SUNDAE

Chocolate..... the mention of tht word jus makes me melt........... it's a total addiction for me.... jus cant stop myself from havin one.... n i shudn't be stopping myself..... tht's like insultin d chocolate..... i am big time addicted to various other things...... ice-cream... coffee....cream......yummmmmmmm......though they r not as sinful as chocolates.... nuthing is......................... wait a minute....... there is sumthing more sinful thn chocolates.....the thing tht gave me d idea to write abt chocolates.... n tht is LIQUOR CHOCOLATES ..... few minutes to midnight i jus had this cravin for my liquor chocolate... n d idea to blog.........
i wonder why ppl dope drink or smoke wen they can have chocolates....... i think chocolates can give thm a higher high.......... no match for my chocolates............chocolates have such a soothing effect....wen ever i am not feelin like myself or a bit low(wich is once in 10 blue moons)i jus eat a chocolate n i feel so so so much better......................... when i feel like indulgin myself.... it has to be chocolate n nothing else...............................but thn who needs a reason to eat chocolate... not me atleast................ the warmth tht one feels after eatin a chocolate is ultimate bliss.............
i love chocolate in all forms.....solid or liquid.... whether it's a chocolate bar or chocolate syrup or chocolate cake!!!!!!! i m always ready to put thm in my mouth.............and thn dark chocolate is jus it.........so damn intoxicatin................... n nothing to say abt liquor chocolates...... ummmmmmmmmmmm ........addictive man.... damn addictive.....................
"I SCREAM.... U SCREAM... WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE-CREAM" slurrrrrp!!!!!!! nuthing better thn this on a hot day or night......... n why hot...... any season n i scream for ice-cream......
the coolness of ice-cream is jus so awesum......... the fun in lickin it... n havin it b4 it melts down.....
the idea of goin to "MAMA MIA"n choosin frm all those flavours there excites me frm d word go.............bliss.... bliss bliss........... n yes.... "MAMA MIA" wud be d choice for my mom cos it says some 90% fat free...... n she defintely wud want me to consume less fat because of d storage of fat i have....... but i never cared for tht...............................
Moonlit night.... by the bedside lookin out of d window.... with a hot n steamin cup of coffee in hand........perfect isnt it?????? i absolutely swear by coffee.......... i have never had tea........... it is coffee for me anyday............... the smell itself makes me feel so good........... the aroma of d coffee beans can beat any perfume anyday..........another perfect situation to have coffee is wen it is raining hard... n i m sittin near d window wid a cup of coffee in hand n lookin at d nature bathing..... n a book wud jus add to d perfection........
The numerous times i have been to CCD have been nuthin short of amazin............ a steamin cup of coffee or a glass of cold coffee wid cream........... n a chocolate fantasy wid cream . ice-cream n chocolate sauce..............temptin man!!!! too temptin..............tht remins me the waiters in CCD have been zapped by me so many times..... i always order fantasy wid cream..ice-cream n chocolate sauce.... d outlet waiter in d outlet i had gone to once was so taken aback at my order.... i guess he was takin a order like tht for d 1st time.......n thn after a couple of more visits to tht outlet the waiter remembers the order so well.. tht i jus have to say chcolate fantasy n he completes it for me.......
yesterday i had gone to d HAZRA outlet n d pastries were over..... i had coffee but thn cudn't resist dessert so i told d waiter to get me cream n chocolate sauce..........he was like 'whipped cream n chocolate sauce' i was like 'yes only whipped cream n chocolate sauce' oh!boy....his face had such n awesum expression..... happens happens... wen ppl come across me.... this happens.........n to top it all my aunt ordered the same for her daughters......
n if u want to enjoy havin chocolates .. ice-cream.. coffee . cream to the fullest..... dirty urself......
no no no..........i am not crazy.... i blv if like nice kids we have these things properly widout coatin our mouth or lips or spillin some or widout thm meltin in the hands .. half our enjoyment is gone.........the proper way to relish is 'DIRTY URSELF' it shud look as if we've had chocolates n ice-creams........ it's so much fun to lick the ice-cream on our lips ....... or havin some melted chocolate stuck to our fingers...
like all kids even i have this fantasy abt chocolates and ice-creams......the fantasy is like tht in 'CHARLIE N THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY'.... the ultimate book for ppl like me......... a river of chocolate.... i can anytime dip a spoon into d river n have it... or maybe swim in chocolate.........ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! trees of cakes n pastries and candies tooo.... any flavour anytime...... plants of ice-cream............ can pluck vanilla...black currant....strawberry flavour wenever i want.........n thn i can pick an ice-cream n thn dip it into the chocolate river............and a fountain of coffee....it's aroma fillin up d senses.............i wish i wish i wish tht there was a chocolate factory n MR.WILLY WONKA for real..... i wud take permanent residency there!!! n i wudn't mind workin there... workin among chocolate... cream n cakes........woah!!!!!!!!!!!!
these are irresistable things n the combination of all these things in more irresistable.....
let's seeeeee.........
let's take a chocolate brownie... put a scoop of vanilla ice-cream...a scoop of butterscotch....scoop of coffee flavoured ice-cream........thn pour chocolate sauce on top it... pour it generously of course........... thn put a waffer into it.... n a cherry on top n sprinkle few nuts n coffee powder.... wat do we get...............................................................................................
a SUNDAE.....................a yummy temptin sinful SUNDAE...................
damn!!!! now tht i have written all this i so want have a sundae rite now...........but bad timing.. no probs..... tomorrow or rather today is SUNDAY... so will have SUNDAE in d mornin.....
sunday ho ya monday roz khao sundae!!!!!!!
and yeah!!!! i dont mind goin to hell for sinning so much..........

SEARCH

I wander and wander
In search of something.
I know not what that something is,
I know not if it is concrete or abstract
I know not if it is a feeling or a sentiment.
All i know is that i am in search,
In search of something that is lost.
Not finding it hurts more,
It hurts more than not finding
Something that i never had.
My search seems endless,
My nights seem sleepless.
Have not had a piece of peace
Since i lost it,
It seems as if eternity has passed
And i still havent found it.
My heart cries for it,
It howls and pines in solitude
For something that was mine,
For something i know nothing about.
Confusion fogs my road,
Desparation kills me,
My vision is blurred,
But still i wander
I wander in search.....
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ME AND MY FRIENDS!!!!

Many a times i wonder if i'll get to see the frnds i have now after 10 years.... i wonder will they know wen i die....i wonder will i knw wen they die....weird wondering...aftr all tht's my wondering!!!
this wondering was set in motion by my dad n his friends... i was jus thinkin abt their frienship all these years..... in those days there were not many schools or colleges... n most of gujaratis went to one school i.e J.J Ajmera and one college i.e Bhawanipur college... unlike us my dad had almost the same set of frnds thru out school n college life!!! n now i guess all frnds get together only once in a year... not tht thy r not frnds anymore jus tht everyone's busy cant blame thm...it took a lot of hard work in those days n even now it's hard work....wenever thy meet there bonding is amzin to watch... it seems as if thy r college goers....
even if my dad meets one of his friends while we are out or something.. thy cant stop talkin.....
BUT tht is our DAD's generation............ today the the world is more accessible......going abroad to study is so common....
today i m in contact wid my school frnds.... will i be in contact with thm after a few years... n same for my college frnds...even if i am in contact will tht bond still be the same......idiotic questions thy seem to me yet provocative........
it is said tht even if ppl are seven seas apart.. a relationship can be maintained if thy want to...........does tht mean (god forbid) if i lose contact wid a frnd it was becos i never wanted to keep in touch....i say 'BULL SHIT' why the hell wudn't i want to keep in touch wid my frnds...
quite a few of my frnds have gone out of calcutta to study... i m still in touch wid thm... is it because it's jus d beginning n once i am totally immersed in college it wont be d same.... nah!!! cos i am already totally immersed in college!!! so i'll be in touch with thm always!!!(hope so) some say however hard u try to keep in contact it jus doesnt happen.... except for a few frnds u become out of touch wid everyone else....bah!!!! let thm sat watever thy want to..
....watever happens..... wat i dont want to do is shrug my shoulders n say "no idea" wen after a few years somebody asks me abt a frnd of mine...
wen i move out of college n get a job(hopefully)i'll have a complete new set of frnds...woah!!!! i m not thinkin abt it ... things will get to complicated........n i like to keep things simple................

will we find sumone whom we can tell all feelings n secret..everytime we enter a new realm... btw it's d opposite for me.... will my school frnds find suomone whom thy can tell all their feelings n give me a break(thnkfully i still havent become the soul n sole confidant of anybody in college)jus kddin... consultancy open 24x7for my frnds... subtractin d sleepin n eatin hours of course!!!!

i dont think abt d future at all but sometmes i do get into the will.. what ..how.. who.. why? phase....this is one of thm....
above all the problem is all the questions tht come to my mind are unanswerable... thy have no answers!!!! i wonder how i manage to get myself into such pitiable conditions!!!!